Remebering what it's all about

Today was the perfect San Miguel fall day. Like my friend said, "one of those classic sunny fall days which just make you want to hike for hours." Waking to a cold morning and a hot cup of tea I tried to forget that I basically haven't slept in weeks. Despite having a beautiful new family member (or a bit because of it) my energy has been low lately. It has been months since the idea of starting the farm has been out of my head and into the air. After so many years of dreaming it I was sure once I opened my mouth people would be knocking down the door to help out. Though we are blessed with really great supportive friends and family our financial situation has made it a lot harder than I ever imagined to get things going. I have been stressed, worrying for months, running like a chicken with my head cut off trying to prevent this inevitable situation that I could see coming along with the birth of our son. We were already too close every week with our budget to have any extra expenses, and I knew they would come. All of that worrying in vain. The time has come, along with the expenses and we are living the situation I dreaded so much. It has not been easy. Add to not sleeping and a generally difficult life style not having enough money at the end of every week... A recipe for a very stressful run. As a result of all off this I really haven't been enjoying trying to get the farm started, and, go figure, it really hasn't gone that well. So this Sunday I gave in. I decided I would stop with the compulsive emailing, begging really, and just stay on the farm. No phone, no email no way to drive myself crazy opening and reopening the same email page hoping for a response that would change everything. So went grocery shopping, got enough food for the week and hunkered down. Today, Wednesday, was enlightenment day. The kids were up at a cruel 5 30 and several times in the night. It seemed freezing outside but it was great for piling everyone in the bed for a cuddle. After Alejandro went to work I started my daily cooking, cleaning chicken feeding routine. I made yogurt, bread pudding, and a big pot of stew filled with organic veggies perfect for a chilly day. Lucca was fast asleep and Adelia out playing in the yard Then all the sudden I could hear her laughing and talking. I looked out and she had pushed down one of the flimsy chicken wire walls around the six chickens we keep in the garden. These were our smallest chickens and they were getting their feathers pulled out by the big bossy ones. So, there is Adelia weaving in and out of the rosemary bushes "chasing" slowly our little friends. She was making those funny squawking/clucking noises that chickens make. She would reach out to touch them, then they would jump and squawk and so would she. She finally calmed down and sat in the tall wheat like grass, chickens all around her. When she came inside she was covered in dirt and smelled like rosemary. We ate big cups of stew and gooey cinnamon bread pudding. I thought, this is what its all about. This is why we work so hard. This will be the gift we give our children and hopefully many others. In a world so lost in the unreal we will bring them back to nature, back to their roots. I kept saying everything will be ok, not really knowing I really ownly half believed it until today. Two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, chickens a hugely supportive family, equally supportive group of friends, and a big pot of stew.
Everything is going to be ok.